I love you no matter what,,,

Usually when you say "i love you" to a person,your friend, partner, family member or new love... you always get random answers... 

"i love you..i love you too...i love you?..or i love you too?"

Because..you see.. it's never the things you say.. it's how you say it...

Being in love for people with personalities like mine is precious..rare... important...But the question still remains.. am I really in love?infatuated? or playing dumb?

I point a certain scenario...

My first boyfriend ever... I was lonely after a scary feud.. I was at mo2 aquarium then...alone while my friends were dancing elsewhere... he came to me..gave me a pat in the back and said.." hey... are you drunk or being emo?" I'm supposed to look at him with glaring eyes but when my eyes looked at his... I felt connected to him as if there was an electricity connecting his eyes to mine... and we just stared at each other.. unaware that it was 2 mins already and for us... it was like light years! then we shook our heads... he said.."hey..im david.. and you are?" I replied in a giggling tone.."im in love..oh..sorry..im von.." he laughed and then hugged my... then the silence... (what the hell??why is he hugging me?) then he told me..".don't you recognize me? I'm the one who's messaging you at friendster...(2004 that time) ..the one who's always giving out those glittering teddy bears and hearts for testimonials..." i was a bit tipsy that  time so i was still buffering^^  'oh i think i remember you.."  we just stared at each other until the crowd lessened and until it was just the 2 of us and the cleaning up waiters... we went on a"getting to know you" stage for a month then he brought me to cebu..to meet his mother..(is this for real?!) me and tita anna became close...until the incident that made me lose him...for good....his father died in an accident and needs to take his fathers place in NY..and our love story ended after 6 months...

the reason why i stated this experience is because it's an example of LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... 

some had experiences like..."love at first sex' but love at first sight is always a big deal for me...

the person whom i so love the most right now is an example of a LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT as well...before I applied at my previous work place..i saw him applying first..also heard lots about him because he was my cousin and friends classmate...we officially knew each other after his friend introduced him to us... we were just training rooms apart before and i would often peak at the small hole on the walls or put my ear on it to hear his loud voice... coz he;s fund of shouting especially when he's being teased...but.. a turn of events occurred.. a friend confessed his sexuality to me in confidence and admitted that he liked him too...so what i did was.. I gave way..and have thought that maybe he would be happier with him and i'd rather sacrifice him for my friend and let him go to make him happier.... but what happened was he only preferred friends for now..which my close friend didn't want.. i would pair them up in the dance floor..make them hug and kiss even though it tears my heart.. I always scolded myself once i get tempted... i always tell myself.. make them both happy...so you'd be happy too.. but was I? of course not...but 1 incident changed it all.. one night out.. while i was pairing them up..their both drunk i was just tipsy... i'd leave them alone and sit alone.. but he keeps on going back to me to dance... then the thing the struck me like lightning..I dared him to kiss my close friend.. which he did in the cheeks.. but after which.. kissed me as well..harder than his kiss with my friend and hugged me... i never paid attention to that night to not make our friendship go to waste.. 

eventually my close friend gave up on him...so i tried to connect with him again... but another person showed up... we became friends as well...one night me and him.. our girl friend and the new friend went out together... i have to be honest..i was really2 drunk that night... it was a Sunday night out... it just happened.. his soft lips was pressed to mine... did he intentionally made it happen? or he was just really drunk... so this saying registered in my mind... "In vino veritas... in wine there is truth" was that just a lie? was i just dreaming? or am i still assuming?  kisses and hugs for me is the most sacred thing that i could appreciate... love...

i have to admit... I like and loved that kiss.. but on that night as well... he did the unthinkable... no need to mention...but it hurt me..big time! tears overflowing...my heart was beating so fast... i could not accept it...then..its like my muse slapped me..shit! your head over heels in love with this person... its not just love... im really2 in love with him...

as time goes by...since he just wants friendship..which i'm into it by the way... i never even asked him if we culd be together as lovers... I just wanted to love him... without asking for anything in return... to take care of him..love him..cater to all his needs... but he doesn't want that...he doesn't want to give me the chance...

oh well... i will always love him no matter what...and when time comes..that he'd find and love someone.. better and good-looking than me..i'd be happy... because he is happy..

maybe it's just hard for Venus to give me someone to love and love me back...but i'm still waiting..and hoping..that somehow..someday..someone would give me the love that i deserve...who knows?maybe she has a surprise for me if I'm just patient to wait^^